Inner Circle

My sister called me last night.

She’s going through a lot of difficult change. Divorce. Jobless-ness. Homeless-ness. Cancer.

The harder part of it all are the deeper changes these circumstances are forcing her through. What she thought she was. What she actually is. What she thinks she should be. What kind of time she actually has left and what that means.

She’s making great progress but you wouldn’t know it from the deadwood tone she has over the phone.

I encourage her. Note what she’s done in the face of such difficult challenges. I tell her that while she may not like all the choices she has in front of her, at least she has choices. And many of them are very good and of her own creating.

Then I say, reach out. Call people. Share your feelings. Connect. Don’t give in to self-pity. Or give up on yourself.

She didn’t really want to hear what I had to say. It got a little rough. So, afterwards, I found myself feeling lonely and upset about our talk.

I began to think about who I can call to share and connect with. It turns out my circle is quite small. Old sponsors, close family, an old friend.

It didn’t take long to call through the list.

How did the circle come to be so small?

I reach out to my sister before I hit the hay.

Look, I text, I know that call wasn’t so great. I know it’s hard. You’re making great progress. I just worry that you’re letting some old thinking block you from going farther. But even if it’s hard, I want you to call me when you can. Or need to. Because I love you and I’m in your corner.